


September

by say_im_good



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Angst, Gen, Slowish build, city AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 18:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12195510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/say_im_good/pseuds/say_im_good
Summary: “There are five reasons why the rain fell harder on the city of Seoul than it did anywhere else last September, and I will only ever comprehend four of them. The first is a bashful smile, one of purity that would spread into a laugh like the sun would spread through the open window of Daehyun’s living room on Sunday mornings. The second, a grey cat that would sit at the corner by the crosswalk, pacing back and forth as if constantly pondering whether to cross the street or not, startled by every car that passed. The third, long hair and a desperation in crystal eyes, the need to both stand out and hide swirled into the racing pound of a heartbeat. The fourth, a voice, calling out, though I’ll never be able to piece together what it was actually saying. The fifth is the words that that voice spoke. But I have no faith in the concept of reversing time, and I don’t have the strength to press my memory any further.”-  Bang Yongguk





	September

“There are five reasons why the rain fell harder on the city of Seoul than it did anywhere else last September, and I will only ever comprehend four of them. The first is a bashful smile, one of purity that would spread into a laugh like the sun would spread through the open window of Daehyun’s living room on Sunday mornings. The second, a grey cat that would sit at the corner by the crosswalk, pacing back and forth as if constantly pondering whether to cross the street or not, startled by every car that passed. The third, long hair and a desperation in crystal eyes, the need to both stand out and hide swirled into the racing pound of a heartbeat. The fourth, a voice, calling out, though I’ll never be able to piece together what it was actually saying. The fifth is the words that that voice spoke. But I have no faith in the concept of reversing time, and I don’t have the strength to press my memory any further.”   
\- Bang Yongguk

People always say that the city has its secrets, and Yongguk was a little less than willing to politely avoid said secrets when he moved from the country in July. He’d told his family, and via grapevine everyone else in his small hometown, that he was moving for work. This was only true on the surface, though his true intentions were as innocent as wanting to learn more about the world that he’d seen so little of. As much as the farms brought comfort in familiarity, the callouses on his palms never felt welcome, and the sizzling fires, the chattering families, never had a story to tell that he hadn’t already heard. Not many companies were very fond of hiring a farm boy, but he found overnight work at a grocery store, stocking shelves. Not many found interest in the idea of living nocturnally, and thanks to this, he was able to earn enough money per week to afford closet-sized housing on the twenty-second floor of a shopping center. 

The move was simple as a move could ever be; He hardly had belongings besides a worn dresser his mother had stubbornly determined he’d take and a bag of clothes and niknaks. With the vanity strapped to the roof of some temporary rental car, he’d travelled the five-and-a-half hours without question, dreaming of warmth, of change, of knowledge, and of excitement.

The city was rather bland, but he wasn’t so in the clouds as to expect any different. The buildings rose too high to see the clouded sky, and the air was thicker, scented with stress and racing thoughts. The lights on the shops he sputtered past hardly shone in the shadow of all the rest, and he counted the neon crosses decorating rooftops as the buildings grew shorter and taller, as the skyline rose and fell like waves. He felt safer when the sun was hidden behind the walls, and considered why this was the case, when all the country ever discussed was how intimidating this made the city feel, the regular lack of sunlight. 

Black and brown streaked by in waves, and Yongguk didn’t question the fact that you became faceless the moment you entered the crowd. That was partially his goal, after all; To lay low and let the city suck him in, to trickle through its crevices like water until he’d discovered and understood it to completion. ‘The city is far too complicated.’ They’d always said it like it was a bad thing, but maybe Yongguk was just too naive and hadn’t yet learned why the elderly hated it so.

His room was smaller than it looked in the pictures, but he didn’t mind it, as his dresser squeezed just right between the borders of his bed and the bathroom door. Unpacking was first priority, as he was never one to procrastinate, and only an hour later he was staring at the ceiling, considering which direction, left or right, he should walk to find the most interesting sights to see. It turned out he wouldn’t have to walk very far at all, and as he stepped out into the rare trickle of sunlight, he noted immediately a ripple in the ever consistent image the city spewed out. 

Long blonde hair flowed out from beneath a floppy, wide-rimmed hat. A young lady with a soft, rounded face glanced to the left, then to the right, and Yongguk noted how her eyes were the color of clean water, so pale they almost seemed silver in the split second they glanced his way. A blue slipper peeked out from below a rippling white dress, and her steps were hurried and hushed, face bowed to address the asphalt as she scurried away to the adjacent street. He wondered why someone who resembled a foreigner in mannerism had a face that resembled a Korean face so similarly, but plastic surgery was common in the city (so he’d heard) and he found himself moving to broader thoughts quickly. 

His footsteps lead him in loops and zigzags, into stores that sold familiar things and stores that did not. He passed foreigners as well, but none that breathed the same air as the woman from before, who reappeared in his mind uninvited a number of times, though she’d fade out just as easily as she entered. He passed two men around his age who more resembled children than adults in everything besides stature, chasing each other with plastic pipes in a complicated game of tag that had probably developed more and more rules as years of friendship built. The taller boy had the shorter in a headlock. Yongguk moved on to the next sight to see. 

It was dark by the time he found his way home, yet there was no stress involved in being lost. Without saying a word the entire day, he felt more acquainted with the people around him than he ever really did in the country, which was yet another thing he didn’t yet understand, another thing that he planned to figure out in the coming weeks. He found more comfort in the presence of people who didn’t even know he was listening to the one side of their phone call than in people who could recount his entire life. Yongguk slept better that night than he usually did, and the sun rose with new ambition to learn this massive city to the core. 

When he stepped out of the small hallway that continued on towards the elevator of his complex, Yongguk noted a new curiosity in the form of a cat perched on the lip of the crosswalk as if he were waiting for his turn to step into the street. Predominately grey fur and eyes that didn’t twinkle as much as they probably should have; Even a cat could disappear into the city if it so wanted to. A man, tall as Yongguk but with broader shoulders, stood beside the cat as if it were any normal passerby, waiting for the light to turn. A moment of hesitation led to his feet driving him forward, to stand on the side beside the two. After all, he hadn’t crossed the street yet, having gone left yesterday away from where the blonde woman existed, and Yongguk was always prepared to try something new. 

A moment of calm passed, the silence of car horns and distant conversation bringing a comfortable, involved atmosphere, before a voice penetrated it all. “You’re new here, right?” Yongguk blinked up, and it took him possibly too long to realize that the man was facing him now, staring at him expectantly. “I’m… new, yes.” It took just as long to find his voice, as he hadn’t used it in almost two days, too busy observing yesterday and too busy packing and driving the day before. The man hummed, his blank stare more welcoming than a smile would’ve been, before glistening eyes flickered down to the cat. “You were staring at Muffin. Most people who cross here are used to him by now, so that’s how I could tell.” Yongguk breathed a soft ‘ah,’ always having trouble with initial conversation, as he had known everyone in his hometown since he was a child, rarely encountering a new face as he aged. Thankfully, the man seemed to have his own words to fill in the gaps of the interaction. 

“He’s a stray, probably. I found him all matted up right here on this corner around April and gave him some of my lunch. It’s probably my fault that he comes here every day, feeding him and such. He only crosses when I do.” Yongguk let his expression respond, blinking thoughtfully down to the cat, then up to the man, who had shoved his hand forward in a hurried gesture, seeming to regret his own haste afterwards. “I’m Himchan, Kim Himchan. I saw you walk out of the Moon building a second ago. Did you just move in?” A half-stuttered yes and a loose handshake had Himchan smiling for the first time, soft and casual, comfortingly so. “I live on the thirteenth floor. If you need directions or get locked out, just shout my name down the hall. The walls are hardly insulated; If I’m home, I’ll hear.” Yongguk gifted a heartfelt ‘thank you,’ surprised, but delighted in a way that he’d already met someone who seemed reliable. All talk about the city was drug lords and prostitutes where he came from, and while he’d always doubted that Seoul was so simple, it was still a relief to find someone who seemed like a genuinely kind person. 

“What’s your name?” Yongguk swallowed as he realized he’d forgotten to introduce himself, quickly answering, “Bang Yongguk. I’m from the country, so I’m a bit rusty with conversation like this. I’m sorry.” He wondered if he’d said something wrong when Himchan blinked numbly at him for a second before his tight lips broke out into a grin, a soft chuckle escaping the walls of his teeth. “Your voice is so deep, it surprised me coming out of someone who looks so soft.” This was probably the biggest surprise he’d encountered yet, that someone thought of him as ‘soft.’ He was intimidating in the country, his low voice and hooded eyes, the way his face would naturally fall into a form that was assumed to be a glare. He was always told to brighten up or he’d be seen as threatening. Maybe the country folk that assumed the city was simple were simple in themselves, assuming that the city was one way, though Yongguk had only been here for two days at this point. Maybe he was missing something in this observation.

A soft ding had the crosswalk’s light flickering to white, and the cat rose from its sitting position, stretching its paws out into the road before taking a step as Himchan did. The man turned back, waving cordially. “I’ll see you around, Yongguk. Don’t get yourself lost,” he stated rather blankly, then in a swift motion, made his way across the road, cat tailing closely behind. Yongguk only realized now how his heart fluttered in his chest, but he decided to embrace this feeling. Friends were hard to make in the country, where everyone had already decided on their cliques and favorites years ago, where everyone was stationed more along the lines of ‘family’ than ‘friends.’ Yongguk hurried across the crosswalk right as the countdown timed out, and followed the crowd to who knew where. 

Somehow he ended up passing the two men again, and decided that if chance had led him here for the second time, he might as well stop to watch their shenanigans for a moment or two. One was tall, overwhelmingly so. Yongguk himself was six foot, and this person still seemed from a distance to tower over him. Despite the intimidating height, he had a soft face, eyes that scrunched into a grin as he darted around on disproportionately long legs, dodging the other’s swipes with the pipe. The other man contrasted well in comparison, his face all sharp angles and his height lacking. Despite how he only came up to his friend’s shoulder, he was far more built, his arms rounded with muscle and his collarbones tight under his tank top. His laugh was soft, a voice light as he said something that Yongguk couldn’t quite hear, making the taller man kneel to the ground laughing, not even attempting to dodge the smacks of the thin plastic raining down on his head. 

It was his first day of work that night, and he made sure to sleep enough before going in. The job was simple, fast paced but peaceful in its own way. It gave Yongguk plenty of time to think about what he’d seen so far, how much he still hadn’t noticed, as he placed products one by one into their designated places. One of his co-workers called to him not long into the shift, announcing that it was lunch time, and only then did he realize that the short amount of time he’d been working had actually been a good four hours. He was glad that time passed quickly though, in comparison to farm work that seemed to drag on under the relentless sun.

The large breakroom was almost vacant, yet echoed with laughs and shouts from the four people he was working with that night. They were all loud, outgoing and playful, chattering about topics that would spew into new conversation so fast that Yongguk could hardly keep up. A man with a pretty face and a voice that seemed to project naturally asked him if he was always this quiet. The small group laughed heartily when he honestly responded, ‘Yes.’ 

The sunlight brought exhaustion, and upon locking his door behind him, Yongguk fell asleep, only waking as the sun set three hours before he’d have to go into work again. He wondered if it was normal, regretting sleeping in favor of possibly seeing Himchan or the two friends again, or even possibly the blonde girl, but time couldn’t be reversed no matter how much he pondered what he should have or shouldn’t have done. Knowing this, Yongguk never regretted anything for longer than the initial emotion before moving towards the future, as he did now. He ate dry cereal out of a drinking glass before deciding to go on a quick walk before work. He’d stay in the familiar parts of the city for sake of not getting lost, but he far preferred the open streets to his tiny room, as cozy as it was when he was actually tired enough to stay inside. 

Though he silently hoped to spot someone familiar, he assumed that he wouldn’t, and the walk proved that the city at night was a different world than the city during the day. He saw different faces as the routine ones from before, and the neon signs in the darkness brought rainbow colors to the soft greys of the buildings and the asphalt. The pace was slower, as people were temporarily free from the restriction of their jobs and their obligations. Night had always been calming in this way. 

Work was the same that night; Different product, but the same job, simply placing them where they went, making sure that they truly did go there. It was a simple process, and he didn’t have much trouble doing it correctly, allowing his mind to wander to different things until the man who the others called ‘Daehyun’ called out that it was lunch time. Everything was the same in that the break room was hectic as before with only the four other people, though Yongguk found himself laughing at the conversations he was listening onto and entertained by the stories that were told. 

“I swear, I thought I was going to die,” Daehyun gasped, trying to catch his breath through his spilling words. “If I had been like three feet to the left I would’ve been crushed. Seriously, this job seems simple and safe and all but be on guard, Yongguk.” Yongguk blinked, and it took him a moment to realize that the entire time, Daehyun had been speaking to specifically him and not the collective group. It all worked out however, as the other man didn’t even seem to notice that Yongguk hadn’t been listening, already following his voice to a new topic, directing it towards another co-worker who’s name Yongguk hadn’t learned yet. 

He walked home in a rather good mood, exhausted somehow despite how his job wasn’t really that laborious but feeling relaxed all the same. The sun was just rising at this point, though with the buildings blocking the outside world, the only way he could tell was by the color of the sky above. He stopped and grabbed a cheap snack to munch on on the way home, figuring he should be eating more than a bite every now and then if he wanted to actually follow his mother’s nagging guidance to eat three large portions a day to stay healthy. As he stepped out of the convenience store, he noted immediately a wave of blonde turning out of a small crowd of brown and black hair, now facing him directly. He easily recognized this person as the woman from before, with the Korean face shape yet the foreign hair, eyes, even makeup. Cherry lips were tight with focus, and crystal eyes were downcast as she hurried to wherever she was going, passing Yongguk who was dazed with curiosity. There was something unique about this person that he hadn’t seen in anyone else yet, but maybe he was just judging off of appearances. He continued home and it didn’t take much effort to bring himself to sleep once more.

The days passed simply, and he developed a routine. As he grew used to the route to and from work, and everywhere else at that, he found himself less and less exhausted as the day ended. Work was very often the same thing every day, which Yongguk found no boredom in, loving how he could zone out and come back in what felt like no time just to be paid for eight to nine hours of work that night. His co-worker, Daehyun, had begun making an effort to sit next to him on the couch whenever they all took lunch, chattering away, not seeming to mind at all how Yongguk never had much of a decent reply to his rants and questions. “Don’t feel outcasted okay? These guys may act like assholes, but they’re all okay in the end.” Yongguk even enjoyed the breaks at work, finding the time stocking shelves rather dull if Daehyun had a night off, where the excitement and overall morale of the team diminished just enough to notice. 

He made it a habit to stop at a breakfast place immediately after work, eat and pass time until he’d meet Himchan at the crosswalk. As the other man had said, the cat really was always there. Yongguk watched it sometimes if he came too early to bump into the person who was closest to being his ‘friend.’ It would stare at the road longingly, as if longing to reach the other side, but the most it would move would be sticking a paw out and immediately retracting it as if injured or scared. Only when Himchan came along, saying his daily greetings to Yongguk, would the cat strut after him across the white-striped asphalt, none of its previous hesitation holding it to the sidewalk as it did before. Yongguk would sleep after that, then wake up just early enough to go on a walk, to search for new things. He made an effort to pass the concrete intersection where the two friends would constantly be outside, either playing the complicated tag game with the plastic pipes, kicking around a basketball to the rules of soccer, or just sitting on the bike rack chattering away. No matter what, for the two weeks Yongguk had lived in the city so far, they’d always been outside doing something. He wondered about their lives rather often, as he stocked shelves in routine. 

All of these people he somehow considered his friends, and he didn’t mind at all the fact that they probably didn’t think of him, especially the two friends who he’d never even spoken to. Himchan invited him to dinner once, but he declined in favor of sleeping for work, and it was comforting that the other took no offense to the fact that Yongguk had chosen sleep first. Back in his hometown, turning down an invitation if not necessary was considered rude and careless. He liked this culture better, preserving one’s self as well as one’s relations, rather than giving everything and receiving only small fractions of what each of the townsfolk could dish up, relying more on practicality than formalities. He saw the blonde girl four times since she passed at the convenience store, and each time found himself wondering what kind of genetics could have someone who was so obviously Korean be born with blonde hair and blue eyes. These thoughts would always develop into a more important question of why she always seemed so uncomfortable no matter where or when he passed her, why she was always staring at the ground. He thought about her a lot too, wondered about her life in the past and her life in the present, though he wasn’t sure if he really had the right to do so, being a complete stranger. 

He was thankful that he’d bought an umbrella, as the rain didn’t let up for even a moment to spare him a walk home from work. He stopped for breakfast as always, grabbing a sandwich and a coffee, scrolling through random clickbait articles on his phone as he ate at the pace he’d quickly developed to keep with his rather precise schedule. Afterwards he found himself heading home as always. He was somewhat surprised to see the cat sitting at the crosswalk even as the rain fell, looking drenched and miserable, but waiting all the same for Himchan to arrive. He wondered for a moment why Himchan hadn’t just adopted the animal at this point, given how much it loved him, but then realized that Himchan on the thirteenth floor wouldn’t have much bigger of an apartment than he himself did. He hadn’t considered getting a pet, but figuring how small the rooms were, he doubted the complex would allow animals to live inside. 

Himchan hadn’t arrived yet, so when the light blinked white, Yongguk crossed the street and knelt beside the cat, who gave him a wary, irritable glance before distracting itself by attempting to lick some of the water out of the fur on its back. Without much thought, Yongguk tilted his umbrella so that it covered the cat more than himself, figuring that this could be his excuse for waiting to greet Himchan. He figured in any normal case it might be weird, waiting up just to say ‘good morning’ to someone he’d only known for not even a month, but even Yongguk needed some social interaction from time to time, and he appreciated every smile or word that was passed his way. 

“Sorry, Muffin. I was late today.” The voice from behind him had him blinking over his shoulder to a disheveled Himchan, panting just slightly as if he’d jogged from the building just around fifteen feet away. His hair was swept back to halfheartedly hide how tangled it was, and his tie was knotted slightly too far to the right, but Yongguk was never one to judge. “I overslept. Thanks for keeping him dry, Yongguk. How was work?” He smiled, responded that it wasn’t bad, basic as always. Himchan shot him the same smile as usual before physically kneeling down to pick up the grey cat, the water from its soggy fur soaking into his buttondown. “I don’t have an appointment until ten today, so I’ll dry you up, don’t worry,” he said to the cat as if speaking to a human, before turning back to Yongguk, cat tucked comfortably under his arm and umbrella held in the other hand. Yongguk found time in this moment to ask about the questions that had formed in his head, gently phrasing, “Appointments? What do you do, if I may ask?” Himchan nodded, affirming that the question was fine, before responding casually, “I’m a doctor at an emergency clinic off of twenty-eighth street. I’d say to stop by if you ever need fixing up, but I won’t wish an injury on you.” He chuckled a bit and Yongguk followed suit, before the other was turning with a ‘See you tomorrow,’ and heading across the street. Yongguk made his way home as well to sleep as he always did at this time, feeling more and more in tune with the city’s consistent beat. 

When he woke, it was still raining, the droplets pattering on the thin glass of his window almost muffling the sound of his alarm. He rolled out of bed, fixed his hair, brushed his teeth; He still had four hours til work, plenty of time to eat, go on his daily walk, get ready, then commute. He treated himself to sushi since a small restaurant was stationed across the street and he always smelled the teriyaki as he passed it, discovering (though it was unsurprising) that the restaurants in the city were far better than the small town ones, as homey as they were. He figured he’d invite Himchan here to make up for how he’d declined the other’s previous offer, though he knew with almost full certainty that Himchan really didn’t mind either way. 

On his daily walk, he passed the concrete intersection, where the road broke off into a maze of walkways, where said walkways came together to form a somewhat hidden, but spacious lot probably meant for something more than two people playing around. Yongguk figured the city had forgotten about the space; It was probably easy to do so, given how big Seoul actually was. The rain drizzled down the canopy of his umbrella as he passed the rather blank area and found himself looking at only one person this time, sitting under a shop-less awning with his knees pulled to his chest and his hood draped over his head. The tall boy looked cold, jacket thin enough to ripple under the weight of the rain alone, the wind not reaching past these buildings, and Yongguk wondered why he wasn’t home if his friend probably was. Maybe considering Himchan and Daehyun’s kindness, he didn’t hesitate much in walking up, the other man blinking up cautiously. “Can I help you?” he asked, his voice slurred and young, Yongguk realizing that his height was probably the only mature thing about him, though he hadn’t learned much about his personality yet. 

“You were just sitting out here, so I was going to see if you needed help.” The boy’s eyes narrowed, and Yongguk considered his words, how, void of threat as they were, someone could still read them the wrong way. “But if you’re alright I’ll go ahead and leave, just wanted to check,” he quickly sputtered out. The man blinked down at his knees held within the confines of his arms, humming softly before muttering in a lower, but less accusing tone, “I’m okay. I like it here, so I don’t mind it even if it’s raining.” Yongguk breathed a soft ‘ah’ before realizing that if he got lost in thought again he’d be standing here without reason, and that would seem suspicious to the person who seemed ready for a threat to approach. “Alright, well… have a good day,” he quickly and as kindly as possible said before turning to leave. Behind him he heard the same voice, raised just barely so he could hear it over the rain, “Hey… Thanks for checking though. Take care.” 

It was Friday night, and Daehyun was determined that Yongguk amongst a few other co-workers come over for breakfast after their Saturday shift. “Come on, I know you all don’t sleep until later in the morning anyway. It’s not like I’m a bad cook!” The others easily threw a few jokes around on this topic, how Daehyun had caught the company microwave on fire heating up a pop-tart, all good fun, though Yongguk noted how the person in question seemed to be growing genuinely irritated by the statements. “I just want us to be a close team, jeez! The grocery team is close, but you guys won’t even share a meal with me just once?” In his defense, and partially because the situation was just too amusing, Yongguk stated, “I’ll go. Sunday morning right? Should I follow you home?” The shock on Daehyun’s face almost brought some kind of sadness, maybe more along the lines of pity, to Yongguk before it was swallowed by a dazzling, precious grin. “I’ll give you a ride! You guys come too okay?” 

The others never came, and Daehyun probably hadn’t expected them to in the end, only making enough food for two people. He honestly wasn’t too horrible of a chef. The scrambled eggs were lightly salted, and the bacon was as good as microwave bacon could get. The fun of the meal came less from the taste and more from Daehyun himself, how he gushed that he was so relieved someone actually showed up this time. Occasionally he’d slip up, muttering something along the lines of how it bothered him that the others always pushed his buttons before quickly interrupting himself with lighter conversation. Daehyun probably wouldn’t realize that Yongguk actually cared, spent more time at the meal focusing on how excited the other was, how genuinely happy, and how his glee in this moment somewhat revealed how rare it probably was for someone to actually listen to him from time to time. 

“I didn’t see you pass by yesterday, did work hold you up?” Yongguk smiled at Himchan as they waited for the crosswalk to flash white together, Yongguk no longer pretending that he was always there when Himchan was by coincidence. He’d stand on the side that the cat would sit at, closest to the apartments, wait for Himchan to arrive, then walk home after he and the cat had crossed. “Work was okay. A co-worker invited me to breakfast, so I was late coming home.” Himchan blinked in surprise, before a genuinely kind smile graced his face, as it occasionally did. “I’m glad you’re making friends so fast. A lot of people have trouble with that in the city, if they’re not from here. It’s kind of hard when there are so many people.” The light turned, and Himchan said a quick goodbye. Yongguk locked the door behind him and laid back on his bed, thinking about Daehyun, about Himchan, even drifting to the tall boy from earlier the night before before drifting off to sleep. 

He didn’t work that night, but for the sake of keeping his routine and sleep schedule, Yongguk woke up at sunset as always anyway. He figured it would be a good time to discover the nightlife of the city, which he’d heard was extremely rambunctious. He’d learned quickly not to rely so much on what the country folk had told him though; After a full month here, he seemed to be discovering his own perspectives. The air was humid as he walked out, and he figured that it had only just stopped raining with how the streets glistened and the crowds were considerably smaller than normal, even more so than the usual difference between day and night. He headed off to the right of his apartment this time, never having gone there as greeting Himchan and seeing the two boys became more of a priority. None of these people would probably be out at this time, so there was little point in following the regular path. 

The neon grew brighter as he went on, and Yongguk found himself fascinated as he passed a speaker playing a catchy pop song hooked up to a light post. This seemed to be the more party-like side of the city that he hadn’t passed yet, and he felt a little out of place with how dressed down he was in comparison to everyone else. A girl with pink hair strutted by, her skirt pulled high enough to see what was underneath clearly, her chest spilling out of her shirt. A man was passed out on the street corner, bottle of some sort of alcohol spilled out beside him, and the sun hadn’t even set yet. Yongguk almost considered turning around and going somewhere that didn’t feel so far out of his element before hearing voices that stood out from the rest, irritated rather than chattering. 

“Didn’t I tell you not to hang around other men, pretty girl? What the hell are you that you can’t listen to a basic order? Stupid? Or just bitchy? Oh right, you can’t understand a word I’m saying can you? If you don’t know Korean then why are you living in fucking Korea, you dumb slut?” Yongguk froze, never having heard an interaction like this in his life, outside of dramas and basic television. Out of curiosity alone, he slowly, inconspicuously followed the sound to a small crevice between the buildings, where by fate alone the blonde girl he’d been passing for the past month was pressed up against a wall, her eyes narrowed into angry slits and her lips pressed tightly together. Three men were surrounding her, easily cornering her with how thin the alley was. Her lipstick was smeared to the left of her face, but her eyes were dead cold in anger rather than fear as would be expected. 

“What? I’m sure you know SOME kind of reply. English? ‘Hello?’ What, French? ‘Bonjour?’” Yongguk was a statue, wondering if he should do something, knowing he should, wondering what he could do that wouldn’t only make the situation worse. He could call the police, that was what he should do. He quickly slipped out his phone, unlocking it as he listened in. “Ha, you’re so cute, looking like you want to kill me or something. Why don’t you try? Weak little girl like you can’t do shit to me. Mind if I fuck up your lipstick a little more, darling?” Right as the police’s number was finished typed in, the man’s shout of pain brought Yongguk’s attention back to the scene. He was knelt down, holding his eyes behind his hands, groaning as the blonde quickly kicked him in the face and ran before the other two knew how to react. The phone in his hands was forgotten, and Yongguk found himself chasing after her right as the other men regained their senses and did the same. 

He caught up quickly, her heels obviously causing her pain at this point, and she flinched when he grabbed her hand. “You can trust me, my apartment’s nearby. I saw what they did so I can hide you there, let’s go!” She hardly argued, swallowing tightly and hurrying after Yongguk. He punched in the code to the building at lightning speed, and she’d already darted inside by the time he’d fully opened the door, hurrying towards the elevator, gasping for breath. Yongguk was in no better condition, his lungs burning and frozen over at the same time, but hopefully the men hadn’t seen them enter. Either way, the door was passcode protected; They should be safe from here. 

Yongguk opened the door to his apartment and the girl quickly went inside, falling to sit on his bed, trying to catch her breath. Yongguk simply collapsed in the doorway, there being little other room for him to sit without sitting too close to her. He didn’t want to risk making her uncomfortable, not after a confrontation like that. “Are you okay?” he panted, glancing up. She was staring at the floor again, wiping the sweat from her upper lip quickly, ignoring his words. “You’re… are you from here?” No reply. Yongguk sighed, standing to open the cabinet beside him, grabbing two drinking glasses and his box of cereal and two bottled waters. “It’s okay if you can’t understand me. I’m actually not from here either, though I’m probably not from as far away as you are.” At this, from the corner of his eye, Yongguk noticed the girl glance up to watch him. He dumped the colorful cereal into the two glasses, taking his time as she seemed to be listening in this moment.

“I’m from the country, I just moved here. Honestly I’ve never seen people act as horrible as that in my life, other than on television. I can’t believe people could actually be like that. What kind of scum do you have to be to say shit like that anyway? I can only hope they didn’t do anything worse to you.” He turned around with the cereal, handing one of the glasses forward, and the girl gingerly took it, staring at its contents heavily. Yongguk sunk back down to the floor again, picking a piece of cereal out and popping it into his mouth. “Sorry if I scared you. I was planning on just calling the police, but after you started running I figured it was more urgent that you have somewhere to hide for a bit. You can leave at anytime. My name is Bang Yongguk. I’m… still not sure if you can understand me, but…”

“Thank you… for your help.” Yongguk’s head shot up and he stared at the girl for a long time, analyzing how she almost seemed ashamed. Her voice was… It wasn’t a low voice for sure, being higher pitched, but not quite in the way a girl’s voice normally would be unless… 

“Don’t… stare. It’s embarrassing telling people like this. I trust you so don’t…” Yongguk swallowed, glancing down so that he wasn’t staring any longer. “So… You’re actually a boy then?” He noted the other nod shallowly from the corner of his eye, stirring the contents of the cereal cup halfheartedly with his finger. “It’s usually more convenient to dress up like this, but I don’t think anyone’s ever been that aggressive to me before… That guy is always fucking trash, I should’ve expected it.” Yongguk shook his head quickly. “You can’t live expecting people to be awful though. Don’t blame yourself. What’s your name?” There was a short pause, before the soft voice replied, “Yoo Youngjae.” 

“It’s nice to meet you then, Youngjae.” The other nodded meekly, seeming to sink into himself, pulling his knees up to his chest, though all but the tips of his shoes were hidden by the dress. “So are you…” Before he’d even finished the question, Youngjae was answering. “I identify as a guy, I am a guy. I just… dress like this for reasons. I don’t want to talk about them.” Yongguk nodded once more, finding their conversation to consist of mostly nodding thus far. “But since you helped me, I figured I might as well tell you. Don’t break my trust, okay?” Once more, Yongguk nodded. Youngjae smiled softly, and Yongguk figured that boy or girl, he was pretty when he smiled. Youngjae slowly stood, taking a deep breath, stepping over Yongguk’s legs to glare at himself in the hanging mirror. “Assholes,” he muttered, wiping at the smeared lipstick with the sleeve of his jacket. “Jeez, girls have it bad if this is a normal thing.” Yongguk just listened as the other muttered into the mirror, fixing up his appearance. Questions flew into his mind, but he dismissed them regularly; It wasn’t the time for most of them. 

“Are your eyes really that color?” Youngjae looked almost amused. “No, contacts. If people think I’m foreign they won’t talk to me.” Right, that made sense, but why did Youngjae not want to be spoken to? More and more questions came, but Yongguk remained silent, even as Youngjae knelt to pick up his phone that was left abandoned on the floor beside him. “What’s your password?” The question was so direct that Yongguk just told him, figuring Youngjae was a good enough person by assumption that he wouldn’t delete anything. When his phone was handed back after an amount of typing, a new number was added into his contacts with just a raincloud emoji as the contact’s name. “Thank you again. I’m going to leave now.” Yongguk walked him out, made sure that he was safe until he disappeared across the crosswalk and out of sight, then returned to his room. It still smelled vaguely of perfume, and even though there was still a while to go until his bedtime, he decided to go to sleep early.

On his way to work the next day, he routinely passed the concrete intersection, finding himself unusually relieved that the shorter boy had returned, kicking around what appeared to be a brand new soccer ball with the taller one. Yongguk watched for a while, how the taller appeared almost like a different person, so upbeat and happy in comparison to how miserable and cautious he’d seemed when he was alone. He dodged around the shorter and kicked the ball into the wall behind him, laughing as his friend yelled, ‘Junhong, why are you so good at this?!’ in frustration. “I’m only so good cause I can practice everyday. Maybe if you actually showed up more…”

“You KNOW I can’t help that,” the shorter responded sharply, and the taller froze, as if not realizing that his words might offend his friend. He swallowed and bowed his head, and Yongguk compared the pose in this moment to how Youngjae often looked when he’d see him on the street before. “I’m sorry, Jongup. I didn’t mean it like that.” The shorter, named Jongup apparently, shook his head, releasing a soft smile. “Don’t feel bad okay? Let’s just pretend like none of that exists right now.” 

He continued on as it drew closer to time to go to work. Junhong was the name of the tall boy then. Yongguk wondered what made them so close, figuring things couldn’t be like television where everything happened for a reason. Sometimes people were just drawn together because they were, that was that. Coincidence was common in the real world while it was considered just an excuse to be lazy in dramas and books. Maybe Junhong and Jongup were friends by coincidence. 

“What are you thinking about?” He hummed so that Daehyun would know that he wasn’t ignoring him, was just thinking about his question too deeply to answer right away. The other, who he’d learned was younger than him and born in this city, nodded with an impatient attempt at patience. “I’m thinking about people I know, I guess.” The younger groaned, “That’s so broad. Who are you thinking about specifically?” There wasn’t anyone specific. Junhong, Youngjae, Daehyun himself. Yongguk realized that he cared about more people than he’d expected to, especially this soon into living here. But he knew Daehyun wanted details, so he gave them. “I’ve just met a lot of people here. Everyone’s been friendly to me. I guess everyone in my hometown told me that the city was a hectic place where people didn’t really have time for each other. So I’ve made more friends than I ever believed I would.” Daehyun was quiet for longer than what was normal for him, before smiling in a way that Yongguk didn’t find nearly as comforting as when he was actually happy and not just faking it like right now. “I guess you never really know what’s outside of what you go through. Other people see the world their own way, so even if they’re not lying, they may not be right if they say the city’s one way or yada.” Yongguk pondered this for a bit, but before he could think up a response, Daehyun was popping out of his seat. “Lunch is over. We’re a bit behind, so we should get back to work.” 

Yongguk texted Youngjae three days after the incident, asking how he was feeling. The other replied less than thirty seconds later that he was okay, just hadn’t been anywhere near the party district since. Yongguk figured that was probably safe, that Youngjae had a good head on his shoulders, and wondered what made him dress as a girl if he identified as a guy. He remembered how the assumedly younger man had glared at his image in the mirror, as if he didn’t like the image he saw before him. Yongguk texted him to be careful and call if he needed anything, and the other sent just a blank-faced emoji in response. 

“Sorry I wasn’t here to greet you the other day, something came up.” Himchan shook his head quickly, smacking out, “Don’t be, you’re not obligated to walk me across the street every morning, as much as I like chatting.” This was why Yongguk liked Himchan, this among other reasons. He made it clear that there was no demands in their proclaimed friendship. Yongguk had denied his requests to eat out twice and didn’t feel the guilt from it at all that he would have if he’d done so back at home. Himchan didn’t seem to feel insulted by a no, appearing to understand that Yongguk could be busy, probably being rather busy himself. Yongguk thought about this for a second before turning back. “Himchan, do you want to get dinner tomorrow night? I have a day off and there’s this great Japanese restaurant across the street…” Himchan snorted, and Yongguk blinked in confusion. “I’ve lived in this complex for three years, I’ve for sure already been there. But it sounds like fun going with you anyway. I don’t think I have any appointments later than four tomorrow, so text me whenever you wake up and I’ll meet you.” 

Dinner with Himchan was probably the most fun Yongguk had had since coming to the city, not realizing how much they had to discuss since most of their prior conversation had only been small talk. They hadn’t had time to say much while waiting for the light, but with four plates of food in the middle of the table, they were laughing and chattering on endlessly. Yongguk discovered that Himchan worked more with physical emergencies rather than illness-based ones, things like wounds and bone fractures. He’d wanted to be a doctor since he was a kid, and was the only person in his class in medical school who was there without his parents pushing him in that direction. Yongguk disclosed his own life too, as uneventful as it’d been, but Himchan took interest in how Yongguk had worked at the farms before. “You just don’t seem like the farmer boy type,” he gasped, mouthing at the straw of his milk tea. “I tried to grow an apple tree before, on my balcony. It didn’t even make it to the bigger pot, was dead three days after it sprouted.” Yongguk smiled sincerely, explaining that he didn’t know too much about apples, giving possible examples as to why this might happen with something more familiar, like carrots or potatoes. The night flew by in an instant, and Himchan dismissed himself to sleep after his eyes kept drooping shut mid sentence. Yongguk went to pay the tab to find that the other man had already covered it in full, tip and all. He reminded himself to buy Himchan a thank you gift or something, though he doubted the other would care either way. 

“Do you want to come over again? I learned how to make mochi the other day, it’s actually not too bad…!” Yongguk smiled at Daehyun’s hopeful excitement, assuring him that he’d love to come by. The light in the other’s eyes was almost blinding, how happily he smiled. “I’ll make breakfast too! Thanks for always being there, Yongguk!”

He only just noticed how Daehyun lived in a house, rather than an apartment. He and Daehyun assumedly were paid the same amount, which would mean that he probably lived with someone else to afford the place. When he asked about it, Daehyun smiled in the dull, halfhearted way, commenting simply that he lived with his mother, father, and brother, all who were either at work in the mornings or, in his mother’s case, out of town visiting relatives. “It’s okay though, it’s nice having the house all to myself right?” He didn’t seem to believe his own words, and Yongguk figured that above the smiles and the chattering, Daehyun was probably lonely.

Junhong was alone again, but the sky was clear this time, leaving Yongguk to silently wonder where his friend Jongup went to when he wasn’t here. Probably to a family or some sorts, but then the question would appear, why isn’t Junhong with his family too, rather than sitting on the curb under the awning alone? He didn’t mean to stare, didn’t even notice that he’d stopped in plain sight, before he realized that Junhong was talking. “It’s you,” the younger said rather blankly, no trace of the smile he had around Jongup left on his face. “You pass by a lot. You’re not a stalker right?” Yongguk quickly dismissed this, stuttering over his own words, and Junhong slowly shook his head. “It was a joke.” Oh. Yongguk figured if Junhong was making jokes, it was okay enough to approach, and the other didn’t question it when Yongguk rested against the bike rack nearby. “Your friend’s not here today,” he said cautiously, not wanting to make the younger uncomfortable by pressing into his life too much. “Yeah, he’s not here quite a bit lately but…” Junhong shrugged, picking at a piece of dirt on his torn jeans. “That’s how it goes I guess.” He then glanced up, tilting his head a little to the side. “What’s your name anyway?” 

Surely it was coincidence in this way, at least, that he and Junhong started talking, though the younger would always turn the conversation around so that it was more about Yongguk than himself. “I’m not that interesting,” he stated bluntly. “I don’t have much to talk about.” So rather than asking about Junhong himself, Yongguk asked about Jongup. The tall boy’s eyes lit up at this, and suddenly the conversation grew less one sided. “He’s great, seriously. He’s good at everything, even taking college courses during regular classes.”

“Regular classes? Are you two still in high school?” Junhong blinked before bowing his head, and Yongguk could physically see how the wall that had temporarily lowered was back again. “He is. I’m… I’m not anymore. But anyway…” It was late, and Yongguk said goodbye to head to work. He asked Junhong for his phone number before he left to stay in touch. The other quietly replied that he didn’t have a phone. 

The days passed so quickly with how busy he’d made himself, Yongguk was shocked that it was already early September when Himchan brought it up. “I don’t really watch the calendar, my days are almost the same anyway and my schedule is based weekly, not monthly,” he stated honestly as Himchan asked him how the hell he didn’t realize. The other muttered that that made sense somehow. “It’s going to start getting cold soon, anyway. Late September is usually when the front starts to hit, at least here. You have a jacket right?” Yongguk nodded and Himchan smiled, humming, “Good, I don’t want you in our clinic with a fever or something.” 

Sunday morning, he was sitting on the couch at Daehyun’s house, losing horribly at a cartoonish racing game that Daehyun had suggested they play. Both were exhausted by the time Yongguk had lost for the seventh time in a row, and Daehyun suggested that Yongguk just crash there. The elder agreed easily, his work clothes already here anyway. Daehyun’s couch was softer than his own bed, and he fell asleep quickly, only waking up later in the afternoon to Daehyun’s quiet snoring from the floor. He passed out again quickly to the slow rhythm of the noise, and woke to Daehyun shaking him, stating excitedly that he’d made french toast for dinner. 

Yongguk found himself almost bored at his first free day in a while. Without Himchan or Daehyun to hang out with, he found himself roaming the city as he used to. Somehow, despite how it’d probably only been a week or two since he’d done this, it felt nostalgic just to pace around. The city was comfortable at this point, and when he considered returning home at any point, his mind quickly shut the idea out. After a while of roaming, he decided to go find Junhong, watching as he kicked the ball around with Jongup until finally the taller boy just asked him to join in as well. Jongup was shy, not talking around Yongguk like he did around just Junhong, but he still whined when Junhong was better at the game than he was. Somehow Yongguk didn’t feel like he was invading anything by kicking the ball around with them, despite how close they were to each other and how far they were from him in terms of friendship. Jongup gave Yongguk his phone number, telling him to come kick Junhong’s ass again so he could regain his self confidence. Somehow, Yongguk had made another friend. 

‘Help’

The text came at two twenty-four am, and Yongguk only prayed thanks that he wasn’t at work tonight. Youngjae hadn’t texted much since they’d met, responding in short words, always declining when Yongguk asked if he wanted to talk again. Yongguk truly hadn’t expected to ever talk to him again, figuring the younger just wanted to drop what happened, drop that they met, and moved on. ‘Where are you?’ he texted quickly, standing up and turning to Daehyun. He truly felt bad, but ‘help’ was ‘help,’ and if Youngjae was texting him of all people, something had to be wrong. “Is everything okay?” Daehyun asked gently, Yongguk quickly responding, “My friend’s in trouble, I think. Could you drive me towards the party district?” Daehyun blinked in response, and Yongguk was ready to plead if he had to, but he didn’t as Daehyun quickly pulled on his shoes and grabbed his keys. 

They found Youngjae trembling in the dark, Yongguk almost running past the parking garage entirely before spotting a long, blonde wig lying tangled and isolated near the driveway exit. He was just barely inside enough to be hidden from sight, sitting up against the wall. A grey dress was torn badly, draped over his lower half like a blanket, and his dark hair was rustled. Yongguk froze up at the blood dripping from his lip, at the bruises blossoming on his face and exposed chest, and if it weren’t for Daehyun rushing forward to shake a dazed Youngjae awake, he might’ve been too panicked to think logically in the moment. “Are you okay? Hey, wake up, it’s okay. We’ll get you help so hang tight, alright?” Yongguk was amazed at how calm Daehyun was staying through this, not even knowing who Youngjae was and still comforting him without question to the dress, the wig, or the smudges of harshly rubbed off eyeliner that were barely visible at this point. Yongguk quickly gained the mind to call Himchan, apologizing in his head as the dial tone rang in case he woke the doctor up, grateful that Himchan answered sounding coherent, albeit confused. It didn’t take many details besides ‘My friend is really hurt’ to have Himchan texting them the address to the clinic, promising to be there and ready. Daehyun already had gingerly lifted Youngjae from the ground, careful to keep him covered as much as possible with his own jacket and the remaining pieces of the dress, and they rushed back to the car. 

Even after sitting in the waiting room for a full hour, Daehyun refused to go home. “I’m worried too, even if I don’t know him. Did he get jumped..?” Yongguk whispered that he didn’t know, showing Daehyun the texts, how all he received was ‘help’ and ‘where i was last time’ to go off of. At that moment, Himchan walked out of the room, tucking his hands into the pockets of his scrubs. “He’s okay, he’s resting now. I’m just going to let him sleep here, since we’re usually not that busy this early in the morning. If you two want to rest…” Himchan didn’t even have to finish his sentence before shaking his head slowly. “You’re good friends, you know that? Most people head out once they figure the person’s gonna live.” Daehyun blinked, and Yongguk figured that he was about to say that he didn’t even know Youngjae before thinking better of it. It was strange how three people completely separate in his life had somehow come together like this, but he deemed it down to crazy coincidence.

‘Thank you.’ The buzz of the text had him blinking awake, Daehyun’s soft snores from the chair beside him reminding him that they were currently in an empty waiting room. The receptionist was scribbling away, and Daehyun was awake only moments after Yongguk came fully to consciousness, blinking the sleepiness out of his eyes. “Was that Youngjae?” he asked, voice raspy and low in comparison to normal. “Yeah,” Yongguk replied, quickly standing and hurrying to the reception desk. “Is Yoo Youngjae still here?” The woman blinked softly before smiling a somewhat fake smile. “He left while you two were asleep. He asked me to thank you for your help.” It hurt, just a little, that they missed Youngjae before he left, but Yongguk didn’t expect him to stay longer than he had to anyway. He called Himchan about the bill, but the doctor waved it off, saying that he wasn’t charging for this one despite Yongguk’s protests. The car ride back to Yongguk’s house was quiet, for how it was with Daehyun in the driver’s seat, and the other only spoke once they had parked and arrived. “Your friend… Tell him to feel better soon for me okay?” Yongguk hummed, promising that he would, before thanking Daehyun for his help and heading to his own home. 

Yongguk had showered and was scrolling through his phone, not really in the mood to go out with wet hair when it was somewhat chilly today. He hadn’t expected a knock to his door, as it’d never happened before, but wasn’t the type to avoid conversation, even abrupt ones like visits to his place. He’d least expected to see Youngjae, dressed without wig or makeup in a red flannel and black jeans, lip split and cheek still bruised but looking far better than he did before. “Come in, sorry the place is so messy…” Youngjae whispered that he really didn’t mind as he stepped over the clothes on the floor and sat on the bed, slipping off his shoes and crossing his legs. “I wanted to thank you…” 

“You already did though, the receptionist told m…”

“To actually thank you. I thought I was actually going to die there.” Yongguk fell silent, and Youngjae sighed heavily. “I work in that district, at a small secondhand shop in the area, so I couldn’t keep avoiding it for much longer. I thought I went around wherever those guys hung out, but they found me again.” He paused, laying back on the bed with no care to how the pillow was damp from Yongguk’s wet hair, staring with dull eyes at the ceiling. “They tried to grope me, that’s how they found out I’m a guy. Pinned me up against the wall and called me the worst shit. I spit in that one asshole’s face and he just started… wailing on me I guess. Tore the dress, called me a slut, said… said they could... “ His voice trembled, and Yongguk doubted Youngjae was the type to appreciate hugs but wished he could give one anyway. “Said they could fucking fuck me like a girl all the same. They didn’t, thank fucking everything, they didn’t, but…” Youngjae shook his head, and he was holding his breath, eyes glossy when they were dull moments before. “I probably have to quit my job, find somewhere else to work. I can’t go back there, I think they might actually do something next time. Plus everyone knows now, that I’m not a… that I’m not…” 

“Youngjae…”

“People always approach me when I look like this, girls, guys, they all think I’m pretty and I fucking hate it. If I cry they tell me to man up, if I backtalk I get hit. I thought, that doesn’t happen to girls. If people are going to be calling me pretty and coming up to me anything, I’d rather just be a girl so that they can’t assume I’m emotionless too. But even still…” he choked on a sob, and Yongguk found himself sitting on the edge of the bed, slowly reaching out towards Youngjae’s hand so that the other would have time to pull away. He didn’t, and gently, Yongguk closed their fingers together. “But even still, I can’t avoid this. I hate it, I fucking hate myself, and even after I tried to change I still fucking hate myself. Why do I have to be scared to leave my house all the damned time? It’s not fair, it doesn’t make sense, so why?” Yongguk didn’t have an answer, but Youngjae didn’t seem to expect one. “I’m just really tired,” he breathed, wiping away a tear before it made it halfway down his bruised cheek. “Can I crash here? My apartment is in that district too.” Yongguk said yes immediately, and held Youngjae’s hand even after he was fast asleep, only breaking their fingers to write a quick note that he went to work before heading out. 

“He’s okay, I promise. I talked to him, he’s okay. Just stressed.” Daehyun was barraging him with questions about Youngjae, too worried to even listen to the answer. “But is he really okay? If he needs someone and you’re busy, give him my number okay? I don’t do anything at home anyway. Jeez, what fucking scum could do that to a person anyway?” Yongguk sighed; other people in the break room were staring at them. Daehyun noticed Yongguk’s gaze over his shoulder and quieted down. “Even still.. I don’t know. I’m just so mad about it.” Yongguk assured Daehyun that he’d keep him updated on Youngjae’s condition, and with this, they got back to work. 

Youngjae was, as expected, gone when he returned, though the blankets on his bed were tucked in neatly and the clothes that were thrown around the floor were folded neatly in the corner of the room. Yongguk passed out quickly finding himself out of energy from the hype of the past few days, resting until late that night, waking up to check his phone, then just going back to sleep. 

‘You haven’t stopped by in a while. Do you want to play ball? Junhong is beating me at it again.’ Yongguk found himself not really paying much attention to the game they were playing, letting Jongup score more as an afterthought than an accident but being fine with how the younger cheered all the same. It wasn’t until Jongup’s phone started ringing that they stopped, Junhong gaining a concerned look on his face as the shorter boy carefully answered the call. Yongguk couldn’t hear what words were being said, only knowing that whoever was on the other line was loud and didn’t sound happy at all. It took five minutes of ‘yes sir,’ ‘I understand,’ ‘I’m sorry,’ before Jongup was hanging up, whispering that he had to go. Junhong hugged him tightly told him to be careful, to come find him if he needed it. He fell back on the curb when his close friend was gone, staring out at the empty concrete ahead, not seeming to really notice when Yongguk sat next to him. “He always has to go. His parents are the worst. I’m glad I don’t have any.” 

Yongguk did a double take, had to process the words twice, three times, but by then Junhong had muttered that he wanted to be alone, and he didn’t question it. 

As the weather cooled from the summer heat in mid-September, Yongguk found himself feeling more and more conflicted in his passing thoughts. Was Youngjae safe? Were the men still after him? Where was he staying right now, if not his apartment? Was Jongup okay, what with his parents supposedly being bad people? And Junhong… was an orphan…? It was getting to be too much, more than he expected, breaking the surface of the city like he’d once hoped to do. Daehyun invited him to breakfast Sunday morning, chattering away about how he wanted to travel someday, wanted to see the world outside of the city, what it was like. Yongguk softly stated that he was the same before, that he didn’t regret leaving the country at all to come here. Daehyun was quieter after that. 

“Is your friend okay?” Yongguk nodded, but Himchan’s hand on his shoulder held him from saying a meager goodbye and heading back to his apartment to rest. “Hey, you haven’t been looking so well. Make sure you’re eating, okay?” Yongguk smiled, assuring that he was, but Himchan was right. Given what was on his mind, he hadn’t even considered food in the past few days, only really eating what Daehyun fed him every so often. He made a note to go to the store for some actual food besides cereal. 

It was raining again, and Yongguk immediately hurried out to the concrete intersection, unsurprised to find Junhong alone under the awning. “You don’t have to worry about me, you know, I’m used to this,” the other called from across the space as Yongguk approached, but that didn’t slow his steps any further. He ducked under the awning and dropped his umbrella, unzipping the tote on his waist and slipping out a hoodie that had always been too big for him. “Put this on, let’s go get food. My doctor told me I wasn’t eating well and I doubt you are either.” Junhong tried to retort, but he couldn’t think of one in time to mask the slow smile spreading over his face. He pulled the hoodie on, it fitting rather well given that it was a guessed sizing, and held the umbrella as they walked. The Japanese restaurant was almost empty given the rain, and that almost made it easier to take Junhong inside, the other not seeming to be too familiar with such a setting. Yongguk bought meat and veggies, the healthiest things he could think of that would taste good enough to treat Junhong who’d probably not had a proper meal in a while, and they talked as they waited for the food to come out. 

“My dad left a long time ago, way too long to care. My mom left too, eventually. It got too hard raising a kid on her own. I have an older brother, living in the States. That’s all I ever knew about him, and I have no way to contact him. I doubt he’d want some hobo to take care of anyway.” Yongguk was about to retort, but Junhong politely shushed him, not wanting to hear it. “I was in foster services for a while, but I never got picked up. I just turned eighteen, so they sent me out. I sleep under that awning, it’s where I met Jongup.” He laughed, a weak, halfhearted one. “He’s the opposite of me. His parents are so rich they have five houses, four in this same city for who knows why. They’re drowning in money but they refuse to take care of their son. They see him as just another business deal, once they’ve dragged him through college and back. He’s about to graduate high school this year, and they’re planning on sending him to some American college when he’s done.” Yongguk knew the answer, but he still slowly asked, “He doesn’t want that, right..?”

Junhong shrugged meekly. “I don’t know what he wants. He doesn’t know what he wants. They’ve always told him, ‘You’re going to be a doctor or a lawyer, and nothing less.’ So he’s never considered dreaming of any different. He says I should go to college too, maybe follow him to America via scholarship if I did well, but I couldn’t stand high school, let alone college. So… that’s it.” He shrugged, but there was more weight behind the motion than he showed. “We hang out every day he’s allowed to leave the house, he brings me money from his parents all the time and I don’t give him shit in return, because I’m broke.” He seemed regretful, but shoved that topic aside for an even more sour one. “And in May he’s gonna be gone, and I won’t see him again. I’ll die in the streets like this and he’ll become a successful man. And that’s how I’ve learned the world works.” Junhong toyed with the sleeves of the hoodie, swallowing tightly. “It’s all luck, it’s all coincidence. I’m lucky I could even be friends with someone like him in the first place. He’s so kind, I don’t know how he got to be that way given how his parents are. I’m scared to lose him.” The food came, and the conversation fell silent, Junhong preferring stuffing his face to Yongguk’s sympathetic words. After they ate, Junhong requested to be taken ‘home,’ and refused to sleep in Yongguk’s apartment for the night instead. 

“Wasn’t Daehyun scheduled today?” Yongguk glanced around as they unloaded the truck they’d need to be putting on the shelves soon, short one person, obvious by how quiet it was. “I thought of all people he’d have told you, but apparently he quit.” Yongguk felt his heart drop, slowly asking, “What…? Do you know why?” The other man shrugged, dropping the box he’d just slit open to the floor and shoving it to the side to focus on later in favor of grabbing another. “No one knows why. He just called and quit. Worked here for four years and out of nowhere he just decides he doesn’t like it anymore I guess. But that’s how it goes in this type of job.” Yongguk went into the bathroom during lunch and called Daehyun, but his phone was turned off, not even ringing before sending him to a voicemail box. He left a worried message, asked if everything was okay. The others said he was working slower than normal, needed to pick up the pace to make up for the missing member on the team, but Yongguk was more focused on other things. 

Youngjae was asleep on his bed when he got home, and he didn’t even ask how the other got in, figuring he must’ve watched Yongguk type in the combination and memorized it. He didn’t honestly care, preferring Youngjae come in and out on his own rather than being locked out where the men from before could find him again. His face had healed well, and where his shirt had ridden up, Yongguk could see a small row of stitches binding a wound on his stomach. He considered giving Himchan a call to see if they needed to be disinfecting or treating those, but decided to do it after he woke up, too exhausted from the worry that was suddenly barraging his mind. The floor wasn’t even uncomfortable, and he preferred that Youngjae sleep with the blankets anyway, having little trouble falling asleep despite the situation. 

When he woke, Youngjae was gone, a pillow tucked under his head and the blanket the other was using draped over his legs. The other had cleaned up again, even sending a ‘thanks, and sorry’ text that Yongguk quickly replied to with ‘no problem at all.’ There was no word from Daehyun, and Yongguk called three more times with no response before the worry had him taking the bus to the other’s house. He wondered if this was intruding, but remembered who Daehyun was and that he normally wouldn’t care, knocking on the door quickly. It was early morning, if he was home he would be awake. But no one answered the door, not the seventh, not the twelfth time that he knocked. When he glanced through the window out of concern alone, he noticed that Daehyun’s coat wasn’t by the door, his shoes were gone, there were no dishes strewn around the counters as per usual. A peek into the garage window showed that it was empty, Daehyun’s red cooper gone from its usual parking spot. He went home with the intention of returning later in the day, when someone from his family might be home. Normally he wouldn’t intrude, but the worry was eating him alive. He went home for now. 

“You really don’t look well. Are you getting sick?” Himchan held Muffin tightly between his arms, the cat seeming satisfied with being held as long as it was by Himchan. “I’m fine, just stressed.” Himchan frowned, tilting his head a bit. Yongguk could see that he was trying not to pry; he wondered if he himself looked that way when asking other people personal questions. “Stress can make you sick, so try to relax and rest a bit okay? You are eating right?” 

Yongguk waited until Sunday morning had passed in hopes that Daehyun would give him a call as he usually did, taking the bus back to his house later that day when his phone remained silent. A man answered the door at the first knock, looking tired and uninterested in whatever Yongguk had to say. He wasn’t old enough to be Daehyun’s dad; It was probably his older brother who he talked about a bit. “Hello, sorry for intruding but I’m Daehyun’s co-worker. I was wondering if he was alright? He’s my friend so…” At the word ‘friend,’ the man blinked before sighing, leaning against the door frame. “He left.” 

“He… left…?” The man nodded slowly, heavily, as if this topic had been reworked over and over again, as if it exhausted him to consider. “He left. Wrote a crappy note that he was going to go find himself, explore the country. He left his phone on his bed, left our mother in tears. He just left.” Yongguk apologized, promised that if he heard from Daehyun he’d contact them, but his brother didn’t seem hopeful. “He’s the type to do something like this. He’s always throwing fits for attention. He’ll be back, he can’t live without other people after all. Scaring us half to death is probably just his way to manipulate our parents into focusing on him again.” 

On the way home, Yongguk figured that Daehyun’s mentality made sense, given how his brother talked about him. Like he was a nuisance, the others at work talked about him that way too. ‘Attention seeking,’ ‘manipulative.’ Daehyun wasn’t any of these things, Yongguk was dead certain, but there was no way to tell him this, because no matter what he had left to say, Daehyun was gone. And unlike his brother, Yongguk was almost certain that he wasn’t coming back, just like he himself didn’t plan on returning to the small town he’d come from. As much as it hurt, he gave Daehyun a mental goodbye, and continued on. 

The second Yongguk turned the corner, Junhong was rushing up to him, panic deeply set in his eyes. “I need your phone, please, I need it.” Yongguk didn’t ask, quickly unlocking it, swallowing nervously when Junhong dialled Jongup’s number by memory without needing to use the contact. It rang twice before he barely heard it answer, and Junhong was immediately crying. “You dumbass, how could you?!” There was a pause, and he thought he heard some form of static on the other line, background noise. “Just leaving a fucking note?! Were you really going to end it like that?! Moon Jongup, I swear, tell me where you are right now!” He didn’t know what was going on, but something was seriously wrong, and somehow that wasn’t too startling anymore given the situations that had come up time after time throughout the month of September thus far. Still, the worry for Jongup increased by the second. What had happened…? 

“I don’t care! You can’t die on me, Jongup, you seriously can’t!” It hit like a train, and Yongguk was grabbing the phone out of a sobbing Junhong’s hand. “Jongup, where are you?” He asked firmly, though his voice trembled the slightest bit. Now that he could hear better, the static from before sounded more like waves. He motioned for Junhong to follow and ran to his car, the other quickly ducking into the passenger seat. “Jongup, answer me, I’m worried. Junhong is worried too, please…”

“I can’t do it anymore.” The voice was quiet, meek, and nothing of the hyper, shy one Yongguk had only somewhat gotten to know yet. “Talk to me,” Yongguk breathed. “My parents, they want me to get a GED, to go to America next month. I can’t do it, I can’t. Junhong is the only reason why I’ve ever even tried to keep going, he’s my only friend. I’d… I’d rather die than have to study my whole life alone, knowing that I just left Junhong on the streets suffering, I can’t do it…!” Junhong and Jongup were both sobbing now, and Yongguk was tearing up as well, driving towards the bridge that passed over the river, a bridge that was often labelled as a suicide hotspot in the stressful months of the year. He refused to hang up with Jongup to call the police, begging that he didn’t get pulled over for speeding before he could get there. “Jongup, if you kill yourself Junhong really will be alone. At least if you go to America you can come back, you can talk to him. He has people to take care of him too, he has me, you have me. I know you two… I know you two don’t know me as well as you know each other, but I’m here for you too, you know?” He was trying not to cry but it was harsh, not after Youngjae was assaulted, not after Daehyun vanished, not after everything that felt so calm and peaceful hit at once like a tsunami, where the waters would recede then crash in a tidal wave. 

Jongup whimpered over the phone, Junhong covering his mouth with his hand to keep his cries silent as they sped towards the bridge. He had to be there, if he was anywhere else they might be too late. “Jongup, you have to stay with us. Junhong’s here, he’s here beside me, listen.” Yongguk glanced down just enough to put his phone on speaker mode, Junhong slowly crying out, “Jonguppie, don’t do this, don’t do this. You don’t have to be a doctor or a lawyer, you don’t have to go to America and if your stupid parents try to hurt you for saying no we’ll just run away together and live on our own. But you can’t leave me like this, please. Even if you go to America I’ll wait for you but you can’t leave forever like this…!” They pulled up to the bridge, not even coming to a complete stop before Junhong was jumping out of the car, rushing out to find his best friend. Over the line, Jongup whispered where he knew Junhong could no longer hear, muttering, “My life will always be controlled like this, I don’t… I’m sick of it. This has been going on longer than you know Yongguk, but I’ve been sick of it for a long time. Please take care of Junhong for me…” 

“Jongup, no. Jongup don’t you dare-” The line went dead, and Yongguk dove out of the car to run after Junhong, tears blurring his vision, his body fueled faster with adrenaline. He heard a voice that sounded like Junhong sobbing, he heard a voice that sounded like Jongup too, but couldn’t comprehend what it said. By the time he’d made it up the slope of the bridge, Junhong was alone, kneeling on the edge of the bridge, sobbing violently. Yongguk felt his heart go numb, then his legs, then the rest of his body, as he stumbled to look over the edge and saw nothing but the waves of the deep river crashing against one another. He felt himself break as well, slowly made his way to Junhong and hugged him, hugged him tight, cried with him, until a police car pulled up and they were asked question after question until the day blurred into night.

He didn’t go to work that night, he didn’t even call in. Himchan had picked them up after the police had taken them to the station, figuring neither of the two were in the right mental state to make it home safely. Without a word he welcomed Junhong into his car as well, the younger still trembling with sobs that had fallen silent hours ago, Yongguk simply numb. Himchan drove them to a tiny, unfamiliar house that they later discovered he’d just bought as his lease ended. He helped them in, rested them on the new, plush couches with blankets and pillows and mugs of tea that were left untouched. It all hurt, the whole of it, and when the question appeared in Yongguk’s mind of whether he regretted ever leaving home to end up here, he couldn’t form an answer. 

Thus bore the end of September. Himchan took Junhong in, and the other was far too depressed to argue. He stated that his house was too big for just one person anyway, and he’d love to give Junhong a home. He promised the younger that college was overrated, that you had to want to be a doctor to make a good doctor anyway. Youngjae slept at Yongguk’s apartment more and more frequently before approaching him on the first day of October, announcing that he had a new job, that he broke the lease on his last apartment and was looking at new ones. Yongguk agreed to split one with him to cut the rent cost, his own place full of soiled memories anyway. 

As October progressed, they slowly healed, piece by piece, moment by moment. Junhong started school again, as late as he was, and Yongguk came over every day to help him with his studies when Himchan was too busy with work to do so. By sheer coincidence or fate, Yongguk couldn’t tell anymore, Youngjae’s ‘new job’ was actually the same job as his own, filling in Daehyun’s missing place. He seemed to like it, how everyone treated him the same no matter what he looked like or said, as long as he got the job done. On Junhong’s nineteenth birthday Himchan brought in a puppy almost the size of Junhong’s hand, stating that Muffin hated the thing but he figured Junhong could learn responsibility through another life. The youngest named the puppy ‘Mochi,’ and Yongguk realized that playing with the dog was the first time Junhong had smiled since he lost Jongup.

Months passed like this simply, smoothly, and the world continued to spin on despite the events that had happened in the blink of September slowing its rotation just enough to notice. Sometimes Yongguk would look back, wonder if there was something he could’ve done to prevent Daehyun from leaving, to convince Jongup to stay in the world, But he had no faith in the concept of reversing time, and there was no comfort in hiding in the memories any longer.


End file.
